• Influences and Barriers
• Decisions About Sexual Limits
• Influences on Sexual Limits
• Refusing Sexual Behavior
• Sexual Harassment
• Sexual Aggression

Influences and Barriers

As adolescents gain independence, they increasingly make decisions that affect their futures. The choice of unprotected sexual intercourse and/or the use of alcohol and other drugs use may create situations that are barriers to goals. Unprotected sexual intercourse may lead to unintended pregnancy and HIV/STD infection. Alcohol and other drug use may impair judgement. Impaired judgement may result in injuries and poor decisions regarding sexual behavior. Injecting drugs greatly increases the risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STD).

Abstinence from sexual intercourse and drug use is key to overcoming the barriers that may arise as a result of risky behavior. Using protection against pregnancy and HIV/STD are also solutions that reduce risk.

Influences on Sexual Behavior and Drug Use

There are many external and internal influences on sexual behavior and alcohol and other drug use. Some influences are positive, encouraging adolescents to abstain from unprotected intercourse and drug use. Other influences are negative.

External influences include:

• peers
• family
• religion
• school
• media
• communities

Internal influences include:

• values
• curiosity
• growth and development

Adolescents can recognize the role of unprotected sexual intercourse and alcohol and other drug use as barriers to their goals. Additionally, adolescents can develop solutions to avoid these risky behaviors.

Decisions about Sexual Limits

A limit is a boundary or point that should not be crossed. Sexual limits refer to sexual behaviors that are acceptable or unacceptable to an individual. Sexual limits are personal and should result from careful consideration. Everyone should set sexual limits for the following reasons:

• Limits reflect individual's values.
• Sexual limits can guide behavior in difficult situations.
• Knowing their limits allows people to communicate them to others.
• Setting limits builds a sense of autonomy.
• Setting limits allows the person to consider important influences.
• Having limits prevents "spur of the moment" decisions.
• Sexual limits affect a person's physical, emotional and social health.

Steps for Decision Making
Some decisions are unimportant and, therefore, do not require a decision-making process. For example, a decision about which pair of shoes to wear to school does not need to be a thoughtful process. Sexual limits affect many aspects of a teen's present and future life; therefore, a decision-making process is important.

The following model relates the decision-making steps to setting sexual limits.

• Step One: Define the problem to be solved.
  This includes thinking about the facts of the situation as well as the feelings of people directly involved. Be as specific as possible.
• Step Two: Generate at least three options or alternative courses of action.
  We often feel stressed about major decisions because we are only thinking of two solutions. In fact, there may be ten ways to solve that problem effectively. This is why it is so important to spend some time gathering information related to the problem. For important decisions, it may be best to consider just a few options at a time.
• Step Three: Think about the positive and negative consequences of each option.
  This may include answering questions such as: What are my responsibilities to my parents? What are my feelings and fears about each option? What are the advantages of each option? In addition to the positive and negative consequences of decisions, we often have to consider the questions of short-term and long-term consequences. Information can be gained from a variety of sources. It is important that the information be accurate. Once the advantages have been determined, numbers can be assigned to reflect their importance-1=unimportant, 3=somewhat important, 5=very important.
• Step Four: After weighing all the options, choose the best one.
• Step Five: Reflect on your decision.
  What did you learn from this decision? Some decisions can be revised or even reversed. Reviewing the process allows an individual to become better at decision making.

Analyzing Options about Sexual Limits
Like other decisions, choices about sexual limits can be improved by having accurate information. Peers, family members, the media, health care providers, the library and the Web can provide information about sexual choices; however, information from some sources may be inaccurate or biased. For example, the purpose of media is to entertain and sell products, not to provide accurate information. Many myths surround sexuality in our culture; therefore, it is important to be critical of information sources. Every person has his or her own values related to sexuality. These values also affect the information that is provided.

Sexual limits related to intercourse include three options: abstinence, protected sex, and unprotected sex.

Advantages of abstinence include:

• safety from STD/HIV
• no risk of pregnancy
• reduced emotional risks
• less stress
• increased self-respect
• conformity to family values
• no violation of laws

Advantages of protected sex may include:

• satisfaction of curiosity
• physical closeness
• reduced risk of STD/HIV
• reduced risk of pregnancy
• self-respect for taking the responsibility of protection
• conformity to family values

Unprotected sex may provide:

• satisfaction of curiosity
• physical closeness
• the thrill of taking risks

Influences on Sexual Limits

Many external factors influence a teen's ability to stick to sexual limits. Family members, organized religion, school and peers are integral parts of a teen's everyday life. These organizations and people may give similar or conflicting messages about sexual limits.

The media, including movies, videos, television, radio, music and magazines, are also ever-present influences on teens. Teens must understand that the purpose of media is to entertain and to make money, not to improve the health of teens.

The Web is a new influence on sexual limits. Some Websites are dedicated to providing accurate, health-enhancing information. Other sites, like the media, are motivated to make money. Consumers need to question the accuracy and motives of each Website.

Alcohol and other drugs are chemical influences that affect a teen's ability to stick to sexual limits. When alcohol and other drugs are used, clear thinking and good intentions may vanish.

Perhaps the most important influence is internal. A teen's goals, fears, self-respect, interests and curiosity affect the ability to stick to sexual limits. The complex and ongoing interplay of these external and internal influences constantly affect a teen's thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Some influences are positive because they reinforce the limits an individual has set. Some influences are negative because they encourage an individual to exceed his or her sexual limits.

Teens can be supportive and respectful of the sexual limits of others. Support and respect are shown through behaviors such as understanding that no means no, refusing to pressure someone in a vulnerable situation, standing up for others when their limits may seem unpopular, refusing to ridicule another's sexual limit and helping others get away from negative influences.

Refusing Sexual Behavior

One way to deal with pressure in a sexual situation is to avoid the situation. This means that the teen does not enter the situation at all and doesn't risk being pressured. In order to successfully avoid a situation, teens must:

• know when and where a pressure situation may come up
• think of alternatives to the situation
• follow through with one of the alternatives

At times, people may not be able to avoid a situation. Then the best thing to do is to escape as soon as possible. When avoidance or escape is not possible, teens can deal with pressure by using refusal strategies.

Teens may find themselves in a variety of situations, so no single refusal strategy can be adequate. Students need a repertoire of strategies to choose from, depending on their setting and their personality. Although this lesson offers students several refusal strategies, it is probably more important that they are able to use some of them well than to use all of them poorly.

Sexual Harassment

Sexual harassment is coercive behavior because it involves the abuse of power for sexual ends or the creation of a hostile environment. In abuse of power, sexual harassment consists of unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors or other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature as a condition of instruction or employment (Frazier, Cochran and Olson 1995). Only a person with power over another can commit this kind of harassment.

In a hostile environment, someone acts in sexual ways that interfere with a person's performance at school or in the workplace. Sexual harassment is illegal. Both males and females can be victims of sexual harassment.

The Impact of Sexual Harassment
Peer-to-peer harassment is one of the most widespread forms of violence in schools. Among students, sexual harassment occurs most often when boys are in groups. Their motives often may be to heighten their group status by denigrating girls, rather than based on any particular animosity toward an individual. Harassment in schools has been typically ignored and dismissed as teasing or traditional "boys will be boys" behavior. Researchers have found that such actions lead to girls becoming more "subordinated and less autonomous. The behavior controls girls through intimidation, embarrassment or humiliation" (Herbert 1989).

A study of 1,632 students in grades 8-11 indicated:

• 85% of girls and 76% of boys reported sexual harassment experiences.
• 25% of girls and 10% of boys reported sexual harassment by school employees.
• Only 7% of students reported the sexual harassment to a teacher; 62% told a friend; 23% told a family member.

Sexual Harassment vs. Flirting
This chart contrasts sexual harassment and flirting.

Sexual Harassment makes the receiver feel bad powerless demeaned ugly	Flirting makes the receiver feel good in control flattered and happy pretty/attractive
Sexual Harassment results in negative self-esteem	Flirting results in positive self-esteem
Sexual Harassment is perceived as one-sided demeaning degrading invading	Flirting is perceived as reciprocal flattering open a compliment
Sexual Harassment is unwanted power-motivated illegal	Flirting is wanted equality-motivated legal

Responding to Sexual Harassment
When students feel themselves to be sexually harassed, their first step is to request the harasser(s) to stop. Harassers may not be aware of the impact of their behavior. The request to stop may be made in person or in writing.

If the harassment does not stop, people who feel harassed should keep a record of the actions (time, place and names of observers). Students should report the harassment to a counselor, teacher or principal. In the workplace, the report should be made to the supervisor or manager of the person who is doing the harassing.

The following steps provide a summary of ways to deal with sexual harassment.

• Say no, clearly.
• Say that you don't want this attention.
• Say that the behavior is offensive.
• Tell someone (teacher, parent, friend).
• Realize that harassment is not your fault.

Teachers and other adults should be alert to the following symptoms that may indicate sexual harassment or abuse.

• chronic anxiety
• concentration problems
• withdrawn or depressed behavior
• insomnia
• body image problems
• fear of coming to school
• wanting to drop courses

Sexual Aggression

Knowledge about sexually aggressive acts and their consequences has been greatly expanded in recent years. Earlier researchers focused primarily on rape and assumed rape was committed by strangers for the purpose of sexual gratification. Contemporary research now views rape as one category of sexual aggression. Sexual aggression refers to sexual activity, including petting, oral sex, anal intercourse and vaginal intercourse, performed against a person's will through the use of force, argument, alcohol or drugs or authority. Both men and women are victims of sexual aggression.

Teen dating violence includes behaviors such as hitting, yelling, threatening, name calling, and other forms of verbal, sexual, emotional and physical abuse. It affects one in ten dating couples and can be as lethal as domestic abuse.

Sexual aggression, like other aggressive behaviors, is motivated by power, anger and hatred. There are many long-standing myths about sexual aggression. One myth is that victims "ask for it" in the way they dress or act. Another myth is that sexual aggression is committed by strangers. Rape is an act of violence.

Research shows that acquaintances, dates, husbands, fathers or other family members are most likely to commit sexual aggression. Alcohol and other drugs are usually involved in sexually aggressive behavior. Alcohol and drugs are also significant factors in dating violence.

Another contributing factor is poor communication between males and females and a difference in cultural scripts. Mixed signals (about having sex) are a factor in date rape. Date rape may result from passion and miscommunication or from anger and an attempt to assert power.

Much of our communication about sexuality is nonverbal and ambiguous. It can be misinterpreted easily if not reinforced verbally. For example, men frequently mistake a woman's friendliness for sexual interest. They may interpret a woman's cuddling, kissing and fondling as interest in engaging in sexual intercourse.

Dealing with Sexual Aggression
Women must make sexual boundaries clear verbally, and men need to avoid misinterpreting cues. People who experience uncomfortable sexual situations have a responsibility to communicate this discomfort directly. Conversely, each individual has the responsibility of respecting the feelings and sexual boundaries of others.

Communication is key. The following actions may help improve communication.

• Make a conscious decision about whether or not to have sex.
• Communicate this decision clearly and assertively.
• If you do not want someone to touch you, say: "Take your hands off me." "Don't touch me." "If you don't respect my wishes, I'm leaving."
• Be alert to unconscious messages you may be giving by your posture, tone, gestures, eye contact.
• Be forceful and firm, don't try to be polite.

People who are victims of sexually aggressive behaviors need to gain a sense of control over their lives to counteract the helplessness they experienced. Victims of rape, particularly, need to cope with the depression and other symptoms that result from the trauma. Victims can gain support from the criminal justice system; emergency and hospital personnel; social workers; and family, friends, employers and clergy. The most important thing people can do to overcome the trauma of rape is to get professional help. Support systems and information can be located through the National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 and the National Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663.