Name:______________________

There are at least three approaches to resolving conflicts peacefully:

• Win-win
• Creative response
• Broadening perspectives.

Win-Win Approach

Usually when people disagree, they battle over opposing solutions. There is a sense that one person is right and the other person is wrong. With the win-win approach, people shift their attitudes to say, "I want to win and I want you to win, too." They change disagreements from "right and wrong" situations to cooperative agreements. The most important step of the win-win approach is to discuss underlying needs. This helps to build solutions that acknowledge and value the underlying needs. To do this, people must ask one another questions such as:

• What are your needs here?
• What values are important to you?
• What are the outcomes or results you want?
• What seems like the best solution to you? Why?

The win-win approach also requires:

• Recognition of individual differences
• Flexibility
• Openness to change positions or viewpoints
• Attack of the problem, not the people

The win-win approach works because both parties get more of what they want and they are committed to the solution.

Creative Response

Do you see conflict as a problem or opportunity? If you see conflict as a problem, you may tell yourself things such as "Life is hard work," "I have to be right," "Mistakes are unacceptable," or "Don't take any chances!"

The creative response is about turning conflicts into opportunities. It is deciding to learn from conflicts, doing something about conflicts (instead of sticking with the problems), and getting the best out of conflict situations. With this response, you think:

• How else can I look at this situation?
• What are the possibilities?
• What opportunities can this bring?
• I'll take a risk
• Everything is a success

With the creative response, conflicts are not about "right" or "wrong." Rather, problems look like intriguing challenges, and errors are regarded as opportunities for learning. When you are mistaken, you turn back, note what happened, and do it differently next time.

Broadening Perspectives

Different perspectives about problems are inevitable. Everyone has a different viewpoint about a problem (and often we think our viewpoint is the "right" one). But if we broaden our perspective and look at other people's viewpoints, we see that each one makes a contribution to the whole. Each viewpoint requires consideration and respect in order to form a complete solution. In fact, this wider view opens our eyes to many more possibilities. In this way, some conflicts can be resolved by taking a different perspective. Guidelines for this approach include:

• Consider how the problem will look over a long period of time. The longer time frame can help people be more realistic about the size of the problem.
• Assume a broad perspective. Look at the overall system (the family, group, community, etc.) and consider what it needs in order to work well.
• Deal with resistance to the broader perspective. Assuming a broader perspective may be scary. People may feel less certain of the rightness of their own case. They may have to give up the security they got from the simple way they used to see the problem. They may need courage to enter the confusion of complexity. Many of these fears prove ungrounded once they are carefully analyzed.
• Be open to the idea of changing and risk-taking. When people take a broader perspective, they may be confronted with the enormity of the difficulties. Identify what one person can do to affect a particular problem, even if it is only a small step in the right direction. One step forward changes the dynamics and new possibilities may open up.